So, by chance today, I happened to discover the blog, hosted by this very site, of the grad student from Memphis who is currently working on the KV10/KV63 dig (aka MY DIG). Now, I have been doing ok with getting past the Starbucks girl and the 7 year old kid in my class (not to mention every friend, family member, or casual aquaintence who knew I was going to try to go to Egypt this year) who had to bring up to me the fact that I am not in Egypt now, and what a bummer that is, blah blah blah....but this reading this blog sucked 10 times worse than that. It makes my gut twist into endless knots to read (in her bubbly, happy, yet sort of humble and semi-naieve tone) about the day to day happenings of what is going on over there and how great and fascinating and interesting it is.
I have been asking myself over and over again why I care so much. I chose to leave Egyptology (albeit under some rather shitty circumstances). I even chose not to go to Egypt this year (mostly because I didn't have the $). I am not unhappy with my life now. Yet, everytime I run across something like this I can't help but feel sick in my stomach as if I made some terrible decision. Those people were MY people. KV10 was my thing. I guess I felt that it was what distinguished me from everyone else at school. I had already worked on a dig. I was invited back every year. Now, the filthy school has its mangled and narly claws sunk so deep into the project that I doubt it will never let go. And now, there's a grad student from Memphis that was there for the big stupid important find. Now she's friends with my friends. Now E is making the same kinds of jokes with her that once he did with me. I guess it's the feeling of replacement that sucks so much.
I apologize for whining about this again. No one here really wants to listen to it, so this is the outlet....
2 comments:
Jen-
It is allowed to suck for you, I hope you are super pissed about it. Not because I want you to be tormented (because I love you), but because raw emotions are what makes us feel alive and really think about the decisions we face in our lives. Use this as an opportunity to evaluate what you are doing. Are you where you want to be in your career ? Maybe this 'find' is sending you a message that you DO belong in egyptology? I have always lived by two mottos in my life:
1. Never give up.
2. Never settle.
(I was thinking about adding a third: "The general public is moronic", but its too cynical even for me.)
Go after your dreams, if you are happy with your choices, then be happy for all of the people that are in Egypt right now. Do not let this drag you down. You are a great person with a bright future (and you are so young)-there are more undiscovered tombs in Egypt-nothing is over.
I am lucky to be able to call you and Bob my friends because you are amazing, successful, interesting people. You will be fine at the end of the day.
-Bible
Hey Jen,
I know this is waaay after you've posted this... but I hope you know that I feel just like you do, for different reasons.
I can definitely relate to the feelings you have regarding all of it. Especially what you said about after you tell the whole damn world what you are planning to do, you have to relive it all over again every time you explain it. Oi.
Staying in Memphis and finishing my degree is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do--if not *the* hardest.
You have to tell yourself that certain individuals will get what is coming to them... it's what has gotten me through the darker days. There's got to be some karma going on, just sit back and wait.
And after you finish your time here, you'll be a stronger person because of it--we both will. (That's the only reason we're both in these situations, because we actually think for ourselves and aren't a malleable piece of putty in the hands of the department.) In the meantime, I'm always here to listen!
xox
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